Thursday, August 28, 2008

Take Five Minutes Next Time

I've known for two weeks that my Mom is engaged. My middle brother (two years older) has also known for two weeks. However, my eldest brother (four years older) just found out last night.

I don't know why my Mom couldn't find the time to call him. Just a five minute phone call. Use your cell and don't pay long-distance. Sheesh.

Did she think he would not approve?
Come on. She'll be sixty in October, she doesn't need her son's permission.

Did she think he would say it was too soon?
Well, to be honest, when he called me late last night after talking to her, he did express concern about the length of time they've been together (not long).

Did she think he would laugh?
Again, to be honest, we did laugh. I laughed about it with my other brother, as well. I'm sure when my brothers talk, probably today, they'll laugh about it. Then next weekend when eldest is home from NYC, we'll laugh about it yet again.

The things he was upset about: Why was he the last to know? Why did she wait so long to tell him? Why didn't my brother or I let him in on the big secret? Geez, she even told my Dad (they've been divorced since 1985) before she told eldest.

Eh, who really knows what goes on inside any woman's mind? Certainly not me, and I am a woman.

Anyway, we are all happy for her. The guy seems very nice and treats her well. And no matter what our particular feelings on the subject, we will support her as we've always done.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Uncertainty

I need some thoughts and/or opinions on a subject that's come up between my husband (henceforth known as Owen) and I frequently.

Some of our fantasies involve other people. So far, they are just that - fantasies. More and more, Owen brings up the subject of seeing me with another man. Now, the idea itself is pleasing to me to think about. But, do I really want it to happen? It's okay when we talk about it in bed or even over dinner, but, really, is it something I could do?

When I think about Owen being with another woman, I feel physically sick. Like a pit in my stomach that makes me weak. (Maybe it does make me weak, who knows?) Granted, most of our pillow talk does not involve other women, but often they find their way into our bed.

On a different matter, we've tossed the idea of swinging around. I already know that it will not happen if I don't feel comfortable, if both of us don't feel at ease, with it. As of now, it's not happening. Like I mentioned above, I don't know if I can handle him being with someone else. But, again, it's something we've talked about, albeit not seriously yet. I have healthy self esteem, but I know there are some things about myself that could use some polishing. Sexually, I'm pretty much game for anything, involving Owen and myself only. (That's not to say everything we try I will like.)

A couple questions on the subject of me with another man...
Why does he want to share me? Why doesn't he want me all to himself? Will it change how he feels? Will he be angry with the reality?

A couple questions of the subject of swinging...
If Owen and the other woman do things together that I don't do with Owen, will he still want the things I do perform? What if I'm not as pretty or skinny or flexible as the other woman? What if we try it, and I can't get over it (him and her)? What if, after all the conversations about it, it doesn't come to fruition and he's disappointed? Does he just want to fuck someone besides me?

I've talked to him a little about my questions and he assures me that he loves me and nothing would change that. I don't know if I want to take that risk.

Obviously, there are things we need to sort through before ever doing either of these things. Though swinging and MMF and me with a guy are some of our fantasies, I'm fine with it ever only being that - a fantasy.



**Owen is not putting any pressure on me either way. I'm doing that all on my own. But I do know he would like to see fantasy become reality.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Her Anniversary

I wasn't sure what to write about today, but when I looked at the calendar this morning, the date struck me.

Back in grade school, I was best friends with a girl named Heather. Every weekend in the summer I was at her house from Friday afternoon until Sunday evening, and occasionally during the week too. We went roller skating every Friday night, and were dropped off at the mall so she could spend her money (I never had any). Her parents cussed and laughed and poked fun at things. I loved being there. They had a swimming pool and dogs and she had sisters. All the things I didn't have. Maybe that was part of the attraction...

As we entered high school, she went to the public school while I was sent to a private school. We talked on the phone for hours, really about nothing at all. As teenagers do, we had tiffs every now and then. But never enough to not speak or not be friends. We had totally different friends, but the other was always included. Mostly everyone got along well.

Things changed when she started dating the man who is now her husband. He was a few years older than us. In my mind, we were kids (only twenty years old or so), while he was very adult-like. He thought a lot of the things we did were immature. (Uh, yeah, we were immature.) Still, Heather was my best friend, we had been through a lot together. And whatever problems her boyfriend had with me, we were still friendly. (Though I didn't think he was good enough for her.)

Soon, they were engaged and had picked a date. I was asked to be in the wedding, and of course, accepted. I helped make favors and plan her bridal shower. I was so excited for her, and for me too. A few weeks before the wedding, Heather called to talk. Nothing unusual in that, but the words that came out of her mouth shocked me. She confessed that she had lied to me a couple days earlier about an injury she received on her leg. She told me she tripped walking up some steps outside her house. In reality, her fiance had shoved her up the brick steps steps and she fell. She was having second thoughts about marrying him. I was outraged! What right did he have to do anything like that? She also 'fessed up that it was not the first time that he'd gotten physically abusive with her. She wanted me to talk her into keeping the wedding date and marrying him. I could do nothing of the sort.

I don't recall the entire conversation, but I thought maybe she should take some time to figure it out. I was no objective observer. She came to the conclusion that everything would go ahead as planned, it was an accident, she loved him, he loved her, she couldn't call the whole thing off two weeks before, etc. I tried to be supportive of her.

Her Big Day came and the wedding went off without a hitch. The reception was a blast and though I tried to steer clear of her husband, we were thrown together in wedding party duties. I spent a fair amount of the evening talking to my own family, and Heather's as well.

I don't really know what happened the next day or what was said between the newly married couple. Maybe she told him that I was aware of things that had gone on with them. All I know is that she called two days later on her honeymoon and accused me of messing around with her husband at the wedding.

What?!?!? First of all, she was my best friend. I would never do anything like that to her. Secondly, I didn't like the man at all. Thirdly, my own fiance and family were in attendance at the events. Lastly, it was just plain ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.

That day was the last we ever spoke. I miss her. Still. Best friends, as close as (I thought) we were, are hard to come by. Perhaps, I should have tried to bridge the gap. My pride would not let me. I've thought even recently about contacting her, but I'm still mad. Though I had other friends and have made more since then, it's not the same. She was, and still is, the only one I could imagine dropping in at her house for coffee or just watching television with. Oh well, what's done is done.

So, Heather, Happy Seventh Wedding Anniversary. Hopefully, things have turned out the way you want them to.

Friday, August 15, 2008

*Sigh*

Living in the country, while we love it, has some disadvantages. Sure, we've got the fresh country air, corn and beans for neighbors, a great school for our first grader, the Big Dipper every night in the summer, and fragrant sweet corn and other assorted green stuff out our back door, but little things crop up from time to time that have me wanting to curse.

I grew up in the city, lived there all my life. Granted it's not a huge city, nothing like NYC, or even Cleveland, but just about the right size for me. Rural living has been an adjustment. We've not lived here long, we bought our house last year, just in time for the lad to start kindergarten. I don't know the first thing about tractors and fertilizers and water softeners and mice.

Up until now, with rare exceptions, I've pretty much taken any obstacle in stride. Last night I was pissed.

We ran out of water. Or something. I don't know what happened. The water just stopped. Then came on. Then stopped. Then came on. I know we have a well. How it works, don't ask me. We haven't had any rain here in over two weeks, probably closer to three. Is the well empty? Do we need a new one? Some guys at work suggested it could be the pump, or the pressure switch. Um, okay. What does that mean?

After my wondrous discovery last evening, I went to where my husband was working on a deck with a friend. I told him about what happened, thinking, I don't know, maybe he'd fix it or something. He and his friend Matt, who had a few ideas (he's a native, after all), were too busy to do anything about it last night. (Remember, the water was coming back on after a few minutes; wasn't too high on the priority list, I suppose.) Well, I had a few choice words to say about the situation while we were talking it over later.

But first, I had something even more pressing and important on my mind: Would Matt be interested in...

Thursday, August 14, 2008

My Turn

I suppose it is now my turn to jump on the blog bandwagon. I'm actually pretty nervous. I know I'm not the greatest writer but I love to read. Maybe I'll inject a couple big words every now and then, just to keep it interesting. I've been reading other blogs on here for a while now. Many of the bloggers have a natural ability for story telling, and catching and keeping your interest. I guess we'll see what happens here.

I've mentioned before that I'm not too tech savvy but I'm trying. Most likely, I'll have plenty of questions for anyone reading. Not quite sure what the posts will be about, possibly everything. My mind jumps around quite a bit, and so does my writing. I've got a lot of things running through my noggin at any given time. Hopefully I'll have something stimulating to say every so often.

This will actually be a shared blog with my husband. I'm not sure how many entries he will post. Not many, I'm assuming. But, who knows? He may surprise me. For that matter, I don't know how often I'll post either. We're both very busy with work, school, and family commitments. This will be our way of working through things that we've been thinking about for a long time and possibly getting advice from those who've been there or have an opinion on the subject.

I've been thinking about this (blog) for a long time. I'll (try to) be honest here, I'm an open book. If anyone has any questions, I'd be delighted to answer. If anyone has advice on any number of the varying subjects you're sure to see, please let me know. That's it for now. Hope I didn't bore you too much.