Thursday, August 21, 2008

Uncertainty

I need some thoughts and/or opinions on a subject that's come up between my husband (henceforth known as Owen) and I frequently.

Some of our fantasies involve other people. So far, they are just that - fantasies. More and more, Owen brings up the subject of seeing me with another man. Now, the idea itself is pleasing to me to think about. But, do I really want it to happen? It's okay when we talk about it in bed or even over dinner, but, really, is it something I could do?

When I think about Owen being with another woman, I feel physically sick. Like a pit in my stomach that makes me weak. (Maybe it does make me weak, who knows?) Granted, most of our pillow talk does not involve other women, but often they find their way into our bed.

On a different matter, we've tossed the idea of swinging around. I already know that it will not happen if I don't feel comfortable, if both of us don't feel at ease, with it. As of now, it's not happening. Like I mentioned above, I don't know if I can handle him being with someone else. But, again, it's something we've talked about, albeit not seriously yet. I have healthy self esteem, but I know there are some things about myself that could use some polishing. Sexually, I'm pretty much game for anything, involving Owen and myself only. (That's not to say everything we try I will like.)

A couple questions on the subject of me with another man...
Why does he want to share me? Why doesn't he want me all to himself? Will it change how he feels? Will he be angry with the reality?

A couple questions of the subject of swinging...
If Owen and the other woman do things together that I don't do with Owen, will he still want the things I do perform? What if I'm not as pretty or skinny or flexible as the other woman? What if we try it, and I can't get over it (him and her)? What if, after all the conversations about it, it doesn't come to fruition and he's disappointed? Does he just want to fuck someone besides me?

I've talked to him a little about my questions and he assures me that he loves me and nothing would change that. I don't know if I want to take that risk.

Obviously, there are things we need to sort through before ever doing either of these things. Though swinging and MMF and me with a guy are some of our fantasies, I'm fine with it ever only being that - a fantasy.



**Owen is not putting any pressure on me either way. I'm doing that all on my own. But I do know he would like to see fantasy become reality.

4 comments:

Hosea said...

Hi Christa,

You asked "a couple questions"; I can offer a couple comments.

I can't say anything about swinging. Never tried it, don't know anyone who has (or at least they never told me about it).

Why does Owen want to share you? I can't speak for him, of course. But I can tell you that it can be kind of exciting, precisely because you do want your wife all to yourself and here that is being taken away right under your nose. There is something very tantalizing about it. But I'd be careful before I made it a frequent or long-term or permanent thing. Why? That's next.

My third comment is that there is a very strong potential for these things not to turn out the way you think they will. You can have figured it all out in your head that it will go like this; but your emotions and Owen's emotions and the emotions of anybody else involved could get the bit in their teeth and decide to make it all go like that without the slightest regard for what you expected. This is a point I can speak to. I saw you left a comment on my blog, but I don't know how much you have perused. Check out http://hoseasblog.blogspot.com/2007/12/is-it-infidelity-or-polyamory.html, though, for a description of what I am talking about here.

This terrain you are talking about exploring can be very exciting, but it can also be more challenging than you ever expected. I'm not saying don't go there, but tread with care.

Ms. Lily said...

Ok, I swear to you, I could have written this. It is exactly how I feel and it is exactly what we are going through. We talk about it and fantasize about it, but don't know that we would ever really be able to go there. Plus, I don't think I could easily handle seeing him with another woman.
xoxoxo
~Lily

Ms. Lily said...

I forgot to say Thank you for being so sweet and commenting on our blog. We have a lot of fun with the HNT thing and since we don't write, I feel like we neglect the blog, so it is nice to know that that is ok.
~Lily

Liam said...

I don't necessarily want to see my wife with another man... but the idea of her flirting with another guy and teasing him sexually is rather enticing... why? because of the idea that other men want her, but she wants me.

As for adding another person to the mix? It's REALLY touchy...

I've done it before, but it was an unsaid ground rule that no actually fucking take place... EVERYTHING but fucking took place. =)

For us it was more a satisfying of my wife's desire to be with another woman than my desire to be with another woman...

The question I'd have is WHY does Owen want another woman in the mix?